First date published: September, 1987
I have decided to update this with more modern references.
I was watching Star Trek II again last night when suddenly I had this vision of what would happen if instead of a duel between starships, it was computer systems. What resulted is this:
----- Kirk: What is the meaning of this Denial of Service attack? Khan: Surely I have made my meaning clear. I mean to avenge myself upon you, Admiral. I deprived your system of routing table entries and when I swing around I mean to deprive you of your life. But I wanted you to know who it was who had beaten you. Kirk: Khan, if it's me you want, I'll have myself scp'ed over. Spare my crew. Khan: I make you a counter-proposal. I'll agree to your terms, if ... if in addition to yourself you hand over to me all data and materials regarding the project called Firefox. Kirk: Firefox? What's that? Khan: Don't insult my intelligence, Kirk. Kirk: Give me some time to recall the data from our archives. Khan: I give you sixty seconds. Kirk: Clear the bridge. Spock: At least we know he doesn't have a release candidate. Kirk: Keep nodding as though I'm still giving orders. Mr. Saavik, punch up the data charts of Reliant's port map. Saavik: Reliant's port m... Kirk: Hurry. Khan: Forty-five seconds Admiral. Spock: The open port? Kirk: It's all we've got. Saavik: File's up, sir. Khan: Admiral. Kirk: We're finding it. Khan: Admiral. Kirk: Please. Please you've got to give us time. The machine room is smashed, the editors inoperable. Khan: Time is a luxury you don't have, Admiral. Kirk: Damn. Khan: Admiral? Kirk: It's coming through now, Khan. Spock: Reliant's open port is 16309. Saavik: I don't understand. Kirk: You have to learn why things work on a UNIX system. Spock: Each system has its own hidden back door open port. Kirk: To prevent an enemy from doing what we're attempting. We're using our console to order Reliant to give us a login session. Spock: Assuming he hasn't changed his firewall. He's quite intelligent. Khan: Fifteen seconds, Admiral. Kirk: Khan, how do we know you'll keep your word? Khan: Oh, I've given you no word to keep, Admiral. In my judgement, you simply have no alternative. Kirk: I see your point. Stand by to receive our Instant Message. Mr. Sulu, lock an Internet connection on target and await my order to login. Sulu: Connection pending. Khan: Time's up, Admiral. Kirk: Here it comes. Now, Mr. Spock. Spock: % ssh -p 16309 reliant.starship.starfleet.ufp Trying... Connected to reliant. Escape character is '~'. M-6 Duotronic U.S.S. Reliant, NCC-1864 % Joachim: Sir, the Enterprise is logging on. Khan: Kill their session. Joachim: I can't! Khan: Where's the chroot call? The chroot call! Kirk: Fire. Sulu: % su # Kirk: Fire! Sulu: # rm -rf / Khan: Reboot, reboot! Joachim: We can't reboot! Khan: Why can't you!? Joachim: They've corrupted the file system and the /etc directory! Sir, we must power-cycle. Khan: No! Joachim: Sir, we must! ----- And the rest is (ahem) history.